Brook in the City

Traditions or Superstions ?

2010-06-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

A readers comment on this post by IHM got me to write this.

Sometimes I wonder if traditions or customs that were meant to be a boon in the good(?) old days have become a bane.
I wonder if some so called traditions/customs are actually superstitions..

I think I have a few superstions now.. Most of us have some quirk or the other don't we..
A lucky t shirt a lucky ring etc., - whats yours?
In fact some people who are in love and decided to marry also insist on matching horoscopes.
"Till death do us apart !!" but wait maybe horoscopes do us apart, huh..
And I thought Love was unconditional.. Guess sometimes one or two conditions may be attached :)

As a kid I always defied the norms.. We used to play lotto/tambola and i would try to take a ticket with number 13. Lucky for me .. You see I am different I would say. A black cat crosses path, I would smile and say.. Good Gracious it crossed my path, lets see if it is fine...

I guess as kids we are more logical. Looking for answers. and as we grow we imbibe certain preconceived notions, others logic of right and wrong others perceptions etc

we had a sex education class when we were in school(class 8, if i remember right), and there were quite a few questions that we had asked the Father who was a guest-lecturer talking on the subject. It was an all girls catholic school.
some of my friends wanted to know why during menstruation girls are not allowed to touch certain foods, enter the temple etc. He told us that is a custom followed by many but he said "I think its the purest blood, since it might have actually been used by the body for the baby." Those words just stayed with me.

My mom once told not to touch fresh pickles that she was making when I had my periods. And I repeated what I heard from The Father.
She did her regular poojas though she didnt go to temple during her periods ( she rarely went otherwise as well) " Bhagwan sab jagah hain" is what she said.
After that she said do what your heart tells you is right.

I dont believe that God discriminates between man and woman or between women depending on their menstrual cycle. But then people do.
In fact I once went to a temple and the pujari said asked me to wear something traditional and not jeans next time to the temple. I was shocked. I could see so many men/ guys wearing "Jeans" right there. I never went back to that temple again. Just didn't feel like.
I guess it is difficult to break certain customs/ traditions that we have grown up seeing.

But then sleeping on the floor, not entering the kitchen, not touching certain foods etc is something that I find ridiculous.
Do you think priya Pickles or whatever brand of pickles is your fav. ask the women employees to take leave when they have periods? Lijjat has all women employees so do they not turn up for work for approx 5 days every month. It would be a good excuse to take leave if that were the case.

Shouldn't the choice be made by the concerned person. I know of someone who had to follow this segregation thing because her grandmother insisted. She disliked it, but had no choice.

The world from your eyes..

2009-10-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

I feel a little tingle on my feet,
and I look under the table
to find you lost in your little world
Did I disturb you?

You look up and give me a coy smile...

How do you spot these little things that my eyes fail to see,
A strand of black thread
Lying on the carpet
And you jump at it with excitement
like its a shiny toy...

You grab everything you can lay your hands on
and put it in your mouth..
Your feet , my hands - who cares!!
You act like everything is dipped in honey.

You cry when the nurse gives you a shot
And then smile the next minute when she talks to you..

Now, if I could see the world from your eyes - little one.
Wouldn't every day be treat to live.

work?

2009-09-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am looking for a job though half-heartedly. I had planned to get back in the saddle once sona was 6 mths. And this was the conversation I had with my husband.

I am not sure how would things be, I mean I am not sure if I "really" want it/ Yes a year back i would do anything for it...Yeah "anything". But today- I am not so sure

Hubby: "hmmm, why??"

Me: "I want to be with Sona"

hubby: "Is that the only reason?"

Damn !!! Are u reading me like a book.

Me:"Thats one of the reasons"

Me: " Its been quite a while too, and I feel like i have lost the edge "

To myself: I am nervous..thinking about Solilos blog: What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail
And this post by A Muser again gets me thinking. Yes i can so relate to every word.
And yet that was what i had wanted for so long and I am not so sure now.

Yet, I shall figure out what I want in a while.

The Kite Runner

2009-07-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

I was flipping channels and saw this airing..
The book had been on my 'to read' list for way too long, so decided to watch the movie before reading..
I was glued to the seat, though I am not sure how much justice was done to the book by the movie..

It is about a friendship between two kids transformed to akwardness due to guilt.. and how desperate one of them gets to part ways..
And then it is about loyalty- a loyalty the does not question the facts at all, a loyalty that lasts a lifetime.
And how life brings things that one wishes to bury, back in the forefront staring in your face.
You run away from things once but can you run again?

all this is told in the backdrop of political unrest..how people stoop to levels unimaginable in such times, when preachers are the ones who commit the most gruesome sins..
and you ask can there be a happy ending? is there hope?
Grab a copy or watch the movie...

Weekend Jitters??

2009-07-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

we have been planning a weekend getaway...
everything is finalized now.. and here I get anxious about traveling with the little one...

And no I dont think i am over-stressed...
well for this 'small' weekend getaway- we have

a 2 hrs drive to the city airport ( well ...I stay in a small town)
a 1 hr connecting flight
a 3 hr wait for final flight
2 & 1/2 hr flight to the destination city

EIGHT & HALF hours!!!! phew...i just realised that its this long while writing the post & breaking down the time :(((.... I hadn't factored in the waiting time earlier & i still have not added the usual check in time omg..

& a Rerun on monday

I dont know how will I manage it...
It will be a prelude to the India trip in waiting..
and I ask myself, is it worth it? . Hope it is...

What do I tell you...

2009-05-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

What do I tell you...
What do I tell you...

When I see where I stand
in your eyes..
it hurts me so...

But what do I tell you...
What do I tell you...

You are too busy to even notice
Me staring at you..
Wondering
What has changed..

Where is that yesterday's
yearning in your eyes...

How did it get replaced with a blankness
that I just fail to understand

What do I tell you...
What do I tell you...

When I know that
My words matter no more
than a buzzing sound...

Oh that time!, when you waited with bated breath
to hear my voice, if for a few minutes
to see me, if for a glance

Where has that time flown away
and when did you become a stranger again...

and now here I am
and I search for words...
and fail to get them..

what do I tell you !

daggers..

2009-05-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes they are like daggers
Piercing you through and through
Sometimes they are a lullaby
Soothing you too

They can lift your spirits
Or they can dump you down
in the pits

There are some
That you wish linger for the rest of your life
and then there are those
that you wish you had
the power to forget
And yet...

Why dont people care enough
To choose the right words

And they claim to have spoken the truth
But I sigh
Of what value is that truth
when you do not know how it be told?

There are some who
trade truth for someones tears
And then there are those who
dont mind trading lies
for someones smiles

(PS: Indyeah: I remember your post on words.. I guess your words lingered with me too..
hmm ur words left a trail of thoughts)

Changes that Motherhood brings

2009-05-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Smitha tagged me to list 5 things I love about being a Mother...

Mummy - hmmm, a word that gave a cozy feeling whenever I got in a mess as a kid.. And I still feel the same.
A hug from her and all would be okay. She would shout and scold and the next minute pamper :)
....
And I am in her shoes now. And Man, it sure is tough walking in her shoes...Oops- Woman, it is tough walking in your shoes.
There are times when I wonder if I will be anywhere close. and then sometimes when I know for certain that I will be pretty close, and then again there are those when I think no one can ever be as good.

Life has changed ...The way we live life has changed.
We were like nomads - living off the suitcase, cant do that now-rather dont want to do that now.
I remember this couple we met through a common friend and we were going for a picnic at the beach and asked them to join us. Their baby was a couple of months then, and the mom was soooo reluctant at the spur of the moment plan (the dad didnt mind, but the Mom was firm...)
And I thought they just had to pack a diaper bag and the beach was just an hour away after all, what is all the fuss about?..Well, I know now ..
Eeverything changes !!... haha I know avoiding beaches is not something that you would want to do, but the point is - priorities change.

Thats Motherhood...
hmmm...

It makes me realise not to take my mom for granted, though I still do it often.
And I have begun to miss ma terribly, now that she has gone back after a two month stay...
(smitha: that is the first thing that comes to my mind too- never to take parents for granted)

Makes me extremely patient (at times) and protective..

Grounds me...makes me emotional...

Makes me forget everything else when I see my sunny boy smile - a half - smile ;) And i smile back.

Makes me forget that I am a mom when he is asleep, but when I hear him cry, he is the world and everything else is just a background.

(didnt think i could pinpoint 5, but here they are.)

Love and Trust

2009-03-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Love& Trust .. The two pillars of any relationship..

Can one exist without another? Yes I think so..And here I am not talking about Trust on a broader perspective, am not talking about loyalty, but it could be trusting the other persons decisions - right or wrong, respect for the other persons space.., trusting the person to stand up for you...

There can be some people whom you trust blindly with your darkest secrets and yet not like their ideologies, or outlook on certain things that you feel strongly about. You may respect them but not really like them.

Then there are some whom you love for no apparent reason, yet when it comes to trust, you have a question mark.

Shouldn't Trust ideally be a subset of Love...but then is there 'an ideal relationship' ;) ? I guess not..

If you were to compromise on one aspect in a relationship, what would you choose, a little less love or a little less trust?

I am a Mommy !!!!

2009-03-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

Hard to digest...getting used to it....
When my hubby tells the baby "heres mommy", i look behind me for my mom, and then realise he is talking about me :)

But how did it feel like when i first saw my lil one...Actually i heard him before i saw him...And had tears flowing when i heard his first cry and one sweet nurse just kept wiping the tears..

and then they cleaned him up and the sewed me up before bringning us together..
How did i feel then when i saw him.. I dont know how i felt..or rather cant describe it yet..it was an animal like instinct though..a feeling without any reason...just there -completely bare..yet so hard to wrap in words.

Fragile...

2009-03-02T06:02:00.000-08:00

Why do some relationships require
you to prove yourself time and again...

While some are just there waiting
To embrace you with open arms,
To forgive you of all the wrongs of the past..

They judge you for what you are,
and not what you did or didnt do.

Why are some relationships so fragile
that you want to take good care so they dont crack..
And the next minute you wonder
why arent they strong enough for you not to worry

Is it just so to make us realize
not all can be taken for granted..

that level is just for a few..

And then you thank God
that atleast there are those some
that you can reach out to, no matter the distance..
no matter the time, no matter the last conversation
no matter what the emotional balance was once due..

The Pink Chaddi Campaign...

2009-02-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

Its so good to see this campaign by The Consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward Women being mentioned all around. It sure has worked. :)
Initially like many others even I thought it was a little over the top.

But this post by Indyeah is an answer to all our questions. Afterall its a symbol. A colour considered feminine.... she compares it to choodis or bangles...She says "....When in rural India women send a man a bunch of 'choodis'(bangles)to a man they detest,it is a symbolic protest.They are aware that bangles are not docile or feminine,they know that they, the women have strength unlike any man....and yet they send the choodis to the man to make him feel humiliated to make him feel inferior.Chudiyaan ,they symbolize the ultimate humiliation for a man in India and question his err...manhood....He is as good as called an impotent.That is the message sent by rural women."

Read this article on Times of India: Mangalore Mayor serves legal notice to Renuka Chowdhury

What Ms. Chowdhury was so absolutely right!!
WTF.... Ram sena has been given the "RIGHT" to trample over all the rights of All WOMEN. And the only political leader who has the guts (or shouldi say B***s which others lack) to criticise is being served a legal notice. This is the most ridiculous thing.

Also read this article -Girl commits suicide after alleged humiliation .
And I am surprised that no case has been booked against the Sangh parivar activists. Rather have not read any news that.
You know till a few months back i was living in world of wonderland, thinking thatwomen have come a long way. But I see all this and ask" Have We? " or are we going backwards in time..
How many more such battles do we have to fight. And all on our own. Feels like the words "Law & Order" have completely lost their meaning in the hands of politicians.

Wish that there were Special courts for handling cases involving politicans and a specific timeline within which the verdict shall be given. Afterall its our tax money right.

An incident recollected..- A father's gift

2009-02-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

There was this uncle me and my mom met last year when I was in India and we were traveling to Bhopal . Uncle was going to Delhi.

And my mom has this habit of sleeping for hours at a stretch in the train. She gets up only for meals. And I just put a blanket around her and began to read a magazine.

Uncle notices this and says "Only a daughter does this."
But I didn't quite agree as I knew that if dad was traveling with us, he would have done the same. In fact then, I would have been asleep too. :)
And he says " No- I am only comparing a daughter and a son. Not talking about how a father or a husband would have acted"
Another passenger who was listening to our conversation chips in and says " Yes ! I have a daughter and son, and I can say you are right"

"Well, there are exceptions" - I say thinking about one or two guys I knew whom I could imagine acting precisely like the way I did.

1st uncle:" I am not talking about exceptions "
(I just wanted to agree with him and end the conversation and get back to my magazine )
I smile and turn back to read.

"Do you have a brother ? "
Me: "No, a sister"

Uncle smiles "I have 2 daughters too, and I have taught them and my wife self defense. They can operate a gun. I have two licensed pistols "
(And, by now I have put my magazine aside )
I look at him wondering how much of this conversation do i discount.

He says " I am a retired army man you see.." (well- he actually didn't say armyman. He mentioned his rank, which I dont quite recall. My apologies for not remembering )

"...and i was posted at all different locations. They stayed back for studies. I just wanted them to be able to take care of themselves"

"Oh !" I smile impressed

And I think what a stark contrast. There are two army men I encountered en route on a train at different points in time and such a drastic difference. Will talk about the other army guy some other time though. (Afterall, this is this uncle's story)

I was so totally impressed with uncles way of thinking and in awe :)

My only self defense (back when i was in college) when I saw some guys following & eve-teasing on the roads, was to go via the police station route. Everyone just vanished before the last turn :)
But today I guess a formal self defense training, or a pepper spray is what we need to ward off people who pose threat to our freedom.

We need people to empower their daughters to take on this world. We need many more such uncles.

Tagged....

2009-02-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

Indyeah Tagged a few of us to tell more about ourselves with the help of Pics :)
So here goes...

1.Your age on your next birthday
hmmm...the cake refused to take any more candles long ago :)

2. A place you’d like to travel to
has to be Kashmir, went there as a kid. Would like to go again

3. Your Favorite place
Nothing Beats home, does it? :)

4. Your favorite food/drink

Dosa
&

Samosas

&

& Chai, chai , chai, Chaiiiyyaaa.. Garma garam Chaiya..
As they sell it on railway station :)

5. Your favorite pet
Hmmm... favourite pet ??

haha.. Not too fond of pets..

6. Your favorite color combination

7. Your favorite piece of clothing

Comfy Jeans :)

8. Your all time favorite song

Jab koi baat...

9. Your favorite TV show:

Hey Indyeah, even I Love Dr. House
his way of deducing a diagnosis is so unique..

I also like NCIS

10. Full name of your significant other
Well, does it matter? Afterall a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet ;)

11. The town in which you live

Currently..Middle of nowhere !!

12. Your screen name/nickname:

13. Your first job

14. Your Dream Job

15: Bad Habit you have

16. Your fear:

Heights & Rides !!

17. The one thing you would like to do before you die

Confess, I guess :(

18. The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000

Yipppeee, Vacation...........

19.Your favourite credo in life.:)

"Dont take life seriously because you cant come out of it alive" - Warren Miller

And now whoever reads this is tagged :)

yesterday v/s today

2009-02-04T11:54:00.000-08:00

This post by Alankrita is so true..

Yesterday : It irritated me when these people came from US for a vacation and cribbed about everything...I just couldn't stand them. would glare at them and ask why did you come here for a vacation?
Today: Sadly, I wonder if I would be one among them

Yesterday: One of the first things i wanted to check with my then prospective husband was "hopefully you are not planning to settle in US" And his response was no, Of course not - But I plan on working there for a while...
Today: My question: How long is a while?

Yesterday: One year of struggle with myself for the choices ' I ' made.. Well, It was my choice to leave it all back there and come here, rather than stay apart for a while. So I had no one else to blame.
Today: The frustrations have kinda died thankfully, and I am more open to embrace a life different from the one I had planned but nevertheless good.

Yesterday: I saw kids here ( in early teens) and thought that they have lost their childhood too soon. and I always wanted to raise kids in India
Today: I see all these politicians and think we have lost our freedom too soon.

Shiv sena/ MNS curbing our freedom to live in any part of India, telling us that UPites are different from Maharashtrians, telling us how to brand our business in a way that pleases them..
I see Ram sena telling us what to wear, not only that - forcing us in a way so pervert, it fills me with disgust.
I read about a man beating his wife in public for wearing jeans - for something that he does everyday!!!

I dont say women are not beaten here, sure they are- but atleast the cops dont hush it up as a family matter..

I see all this and think- Am i prepared to have my wings clipped? Am I prepared to be treated like dirt by some a** h***s defining for me what 'my' culture is...

Thank You Indyeah !!

2009-01-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

Thank you Indyeah for " The Resonance Award"
Coming from you, it means a lot. I am humbled and honoured....
I admire the flow of words in your poetry, it just transports me sometimes back to yesterday and sometimes just starts a trail of thoughts. :)

I would like to pass this on to IHM for being an inspiration, someone I and many of us look up to; for raising topics that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

To Smitha : for speaking your mind (and this post of yours was like a reflection of my mind as well.)

When a stranger makes u smile...

2009-01-06T13:49:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we were lunching at an Indian restaurant. And there aren't too many Indian restaurants in the area .
As we entered there was this other person who was also entering.

He held the door for us (though it was a few seconds before we could actually reach the door). We thanked him and I wondered why would someone hold the door for a few seconds longer. Maybe he was someone we had seen at the Diwali get together party... Racked my brain, but neither me nor my hubby dearest could recollect. We assumed maybe we did see him there..

We were still munching away by the window... and we saw this person take his to-go meal and leave. He passed the window outside and my husband waved a bye to him.
This person stopped.... smiled.... pointed to the sky... then to both of us.... then his belly..and said such that we could read his lips "God... bless...you both .....and the Baby"

I was so touched. :) God bless him too... :)

Rarely do we get to see such acts wherein people just tell what they feel like ... with so much innocence & honesty even to a stranger.. And that moment becomes so indescribably beautiful.

there are moments when we all wish well, as they say " dua nikalti hai dil se" - but how many of us actually tell it out aloud..

He just made my day !!
God bless him !!

Men are from Mars & Women are fromVenus...

2008-12-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

So True..

We expect them to understand, without being told what to.... And they just fail to....
And yet... again the next time around- its no lesson learnt ( by either ...)

Her point of view: cant you see, cant you feel, why wait to be told....
His point of view: why cant you just tell how you feel/ what you need..., why wait for me to guess...

And the battle goes on....
Whos right and whos wrong...
one cries while the other sings a song..

Can logic & emotion ever get along ?
wonder how would it be if we switched places...
if each walked in the others shoes for a mile long
would our fights still leave traces..

In retrospect.......Mumbai

2008-12-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

Well, it was a prolonged sense of nervousness during the entire siege..Prior to this, all terror attacks, be it Jaipur, Hyderabad, Bangalore or Mumbai had been so quick that before you realise what had happened it was all over.
I guess that made us callous as citizens, but not this time. This time sure was different. The wait seemed endless..We were miles apart, yet glued to the Television, checked with all our folks in Mumbai, concerned.... And then waited...& watched with a thousand questions raging inside..

Worried about the role of media,

If we could so easily know when the commandos cam, how they are entering the Nariman House etc, wouldn't it be so easy for information to be passed to the terror groups as well..

It sure is a two edged sword- when the ordeal was over, realised that the information was useful for many family members were checking the news and passing the info through SMSes to their loved ones trapped inside...
Yeah thats good, but the details given out?

As Shobha De rightly said on a channel that politicians are not needed here right now, so that the security needed remains focused to combat terror rather than bothering about politicians' safety...But then the media kept hounding the NSG chief. Yeah, that sure must have kept him on his toes but, would his time not be better utilised in strategising the situation rather than answering the media. The Media could be briefed later.

And then our own careless attitude

We saw a US based anchor ( Sarah Sidner) covering the news so psyched by the proximity of the media to the Taj..After a few minutes, she said it was dangerously close and she instructed the crew to move behind and use the zoom lens....
I was pretty surprised as she seemed so tensed and scared for her own life, while the local media, was standing right beside the rope, not bothered.
And for a second I thought "who asked her to cover this or be a reporter in the first place" .. But I had to eat my words, as there was a bystander and a journalist injured soon after.
And it was then that i realised that she was just not used to putting her life in danger for her job. She just refused to be careless.

And We, over time have become careless. so much so that it takes a bystander to be injured before we realise how close to danger we are...

We wait for the authorities to define beyond which point would be safe for us...Have we stopped thinking what is safe for us..

Shocked to see the US media showing a different border for Kashmir..

Was shocked to see the maps of India flashed across the US media showing Kashmir seperately...Wondered how they would react if Russia occupied part of Alaska and then alaska was not shown as a part of US

Surprised at the term Hindu extremists

this was before the identity of the group was established and the US media was speculating whether it could be the handiwork of Hindu extremists. There was once a time when I thought of Hindus being a pretty docile race, And this term surprised me. ..And I remembered Narendra Modi and realised how far we have come from the Gandhi ideology...Colour, nationality, religion, ethnicity, in how many ways is the world dividing itself.

Lack of sensitivity to victims & family members

I cried when Barkha Dutt asked the husband of Sabina Saikia what he was telling his kids about her (when he had no clue about her safety).. and there was a long pause at the other end; When they showed a father with a photograph of his two daughters wondering what has become...
And i could only think how insensitive we are for thrusting a camera & a microphone on someone who is waiting for information about their loved ones or thrust it on someone who has just narrowly missed death....who may be in a terrified state seeing all the remains of what not...?

But then, would we have been so vociferous about it, had the media not constantly driven down in our heads & hearts the situation - as is.
Would we have questioned the security provided to the government, while we - the aam janta run helter-skelter, had the media not presented the gory details - as is?

Sadly, I dont think so...

To find out or not to find out...

2008-11-07T08:34:00.001-08:00

whether its a boy or a girl...
We have the ultrasound coming And.....
Hmmm... on one hand I want the suspense to last and on the other I want to start shopping :)

and then i argue with myself, I can always buy blue - I'm sure my daughter would like the colour ;) Not too sure if its all pink, my son would like it....hehe. So blue is a safe bet.

But then again, when we have the option, can I let the suspense last for long, or would my curiosity get better...
I asked my husband what he thinks and he says - "upto you..." (though I'm sure he wants to know...)

well oh well... lets see .. what I feel like at that moment...

While we breathe, we hope' - Obama

2008-11-05T08:55:00.001-08:00

yeah sure this was long overdue for America
Good to see the people rise beyond race, religion to deal with challenges that lie ahead...
good to see that 'Bradley effect' is now past..

and I hope that some day even India too will no longer need any reservations. All people will all be equal.
It would be optional to fill your caste /religion while applying for colleges/ jobs.

I hope that we women also no longer need to fight for reservations. .. And get things based on Merit.

And this can come only when opportunities are available for all, and help available for those who are meritorious but lack means. That should be the basis for providing help - not caste etc

An ideal state, might take a while. But then - there is hope.

Mood swings

2008-11-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

I had heard that mood swings were common during pregnancy & now I know...

These little things &instances that hurt a lot (which others may feel is not even worth an iota of thought & tell you not to make a mountain of molehill).
And i wonder if i would have felt any different any time else? i guess not, just maybe that i would not have showed my feelings.. Now they just flow out of my system...But on second thoughts, that has been the case after marriage itself :)

So therein lies the start point...Its like feelings without leash of late - be it love or anger.

But, there is something to soothe me.

Have been feeling like somethings moving inside, a part of my body itself, shifting its place.. like my stomach/intestine just moved :) funny..the first time i felt it was night-before-last.. when I got up to have water & visit the loo.
It was all so silent that I could hear & feel.. But was not very sure...
And I didn't feel alone then.